Sunlight-Colored Roses

It looks like everyone in the world is going to a doll meet-up tomorrow. I’m looking at all my Livejournal friends’ entries. I would be sulking just like I was last weekend over missing the Irish Festival again if I weren’t going to one too.

Oh, and I am.

I have Ophelia, Shelley and Johnny all packaged up. Nathan and I went to the Asian grocery store tonight, and I got rose jelly cookies, strawberry sticks and milk pocky, and lots of milk tea. If not too many people show up, well, I guess I’ll have to eat it all myself.

I am having serious trouble with my last chapter of A Raven for a Lark. The more I think about it, the more impossible it seems. I changed little bits of the last two chapters, and it ruins the ending. I have nowhere to go. Half my reviewers on Fiction Press think the story is over now. The problem is the Jenny/Hennessy/Charles triangle. Jenny is a woman of action. That is what has characterized her throughout the whole story. If I change my action-oriented ending to the passive thinking/feeling/contemplative one that has closure, it will suck. But if I go with the ending I already wrote, Jenny will seem very cruel.

But she is cruel. But this is too cruel of her. I don’t know what to do. I tried re-writing it, but it didn’t work. I thought of not having Hennessy die, but it doesn’t matter if he dies or not, it’s her decisive action that counts, her lack of remorse for him, her sharp determination to have a future with Charles and her willingness to plow down anything that gets in her way. This is Jenny.

It’s so difficult. I can’t wait to be done with it. I think I’m going to have to wait for my feelings to calm down. I’ll tweak the last chapter, not change it totally. What Jenny does is important. I feel like I’ve already ruined it by minimizing many elements.