Today, I got back to working on my prospectus. Almost the whole day was spent finding my train of thought on it from ten days ago. But it was a day of work on the prospectus, and tomorrow, I will be able to move forward on it. I also read a text I plan to use for my methodology, and I read through my conference paper I’m presenting in a week and a half.
Today was another test of the soul. It was really distracting having to keep an eye on Violet and constantly take her out. I was also trying to figure out why the garbage isn’t being collected, when the Internet will be fixed, and what to do about still having no running water.
But Violet hasn’t had diarrhea all day, I managed to heat up dinner and do the dishes, and the house is in good order except for the laundry piling up. I began plotting a hotel room, but neither of us really wants to pack up and leave right now. So I began strategizing what I can buy from Target to get us by. Tomorrow, I need to pick up a book from the library, so I’ll also go by Target and get some provisions.
I have really been losing patience without a time frame on the water or the Internet. I can’t grade papers and can barely keep the classes functional or communicate with students. I may book us a hotel room if this continues for two more days.
I feel so far from my teaching/presenting/otherwise public-facing part of my life. I would need about three baths, a day of grooming and exfoliation, and a weekend of laundry to be presentable. I can’t imagine presenting a paper in ten days. I barely know how to speak anymore.
My face and hands got chapped from the cold and still don’t feel familiar to me. I don’t even want to go into how I feel hygiene-wise. I want to go ahead and get to the store before I run out of clothes and my hair gets much dirtier.
Today, it really felt like I’m living through an apocalypse. I know many people have it worse than me. Some died. But my life and my home have become completely defamiliarized in ten days, after a year of being at home and losing touch with the world.
I just keep wanting to wake up from this. For someone to fix it, make it all work again. But what is there to even go back to in the world outside? There is no escape from this. No exit.
I got a beautiful nightgown I never got to wear because it needed to be washed. I have some other items on eBay I’m considering. I slept on the ones from yesterday. I am shying away from the bright colors, saw immediately which pieces I’m most attracted to. The skirts with accents of pink and purple, the tank tops in stripes and earth tones, the jeans and corduroy pants. I want to get more of the Michael perfume, too.
Sunlight-Colored Roses 