I’m not afraid of you, Madeleine thought as she faced her night terror, her eyes wild and seeing nothing in a lightless room. Her hands clamored silently for pillows and blankets as she thought, desperately, that she would defend herself with objects from reality.
Still, in her mind’s eye, the beast stared at her with glowing green eyes, vaporous breath coming through flared nostrils. His hair was wild and red, his lips curled in a snarl. Half-man, half-beast, he would certainly devour her. She could think of nothing worse.
Fingers shaking, she fumbled to strike a match and light her small candle, then quickly shielded the open flame to avoid disturbing the sleeping women in the room. She stared at the flame and felt its warmth as she tried to calm her wildly racing heart.
This was not the first time he’d come into her mind. Ever since she could remember she had dreamed of this peculiar, disturbing beast-man. The man appeared to her half-appealing and half-frightening in his unhandsome appearance. Over time the distinction of his face had begun to fade, as though his was an image she had once seen and now was forgetting. The overall absence of her memory beyond the last few years of her life distressed her, but she had grown to accept it for what it was, for she had no choice.
Gingerly, she lifted the candle to the pocket watch at her bedside to see that it was nearly four in the morning. She had an hour yet to sleep if she could manage. Her movement disturbed the woman sleeping in the bed next to her own, and quickly she blew out the candle, not wishing to explain her wakefulness or her actions to anyone. Her disturbing dreams were a secret, something she never told even to her adoptive family. Somewhere along the way, she had developed the habit of hiding her thoughts from everyone.
She drew her chilly bed linens up to her collarbone and shivered herself warm as November cold radiated through the window behind her head. Depression took over, a yearning for memories, any memories, for a life which may not have been perfect, but had been her own.Who are you? she silently implored the beast-face in her mind. Why are you all I can remember?
Sunlight-Colored Roses 